Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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