you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
