we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
