i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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