Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize