My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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