I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
