My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
