this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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