Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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