everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
