my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
