She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
