Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize