I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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