you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
