Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
