Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
