youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
