fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
