worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
