So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
