Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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