every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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