I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
