I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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