i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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