Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
