don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Less talking, more tequila
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
