So drunk its hurt
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
