Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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