I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
