Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
