All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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