Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
