What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
