he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
