I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize