She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
