you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
