I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
