Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize