Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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