please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
What changed your mind?
Being sober
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
