Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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