You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Let's get the cat blown out
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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