Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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