Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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