Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
