the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
