she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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