..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
