I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
