If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
