i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
What a dumb baby whore.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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