I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
