did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize