MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
