Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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