do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
