I am in a vortex of obligation.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
