I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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