My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Randomize
