I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Screwed.edu
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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