she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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