I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
