I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
