Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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