just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
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