btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
