can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
