when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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