She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Randomize
