the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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