so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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