before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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