i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize