He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
