You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize