Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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