Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
