I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
