I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I just googled if crying burns calories
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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