She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
