I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
